Lack of weird title ideas at current.

August 2nd, 2010 -

00:16am

Today was a long day. And so requires a long post.

Woke up bright and early, realising I was supposed to meet Holly in town. Normally, I’d be pretty happy about ths. Except the night before on Facebook, I was mildly annoyed that she invited her friends without letting me know. (Yeah, ok, I shouldn’t perv on people’s wall posts, but seriously – it’s public as anything, why waste a good opportunity to spy?) Just a small, annoyinghabit of hers, I make plans with her, she brings masses of people I don’t know. When I make plans with our close friends, she’ll ditch us for the other group. She prioritizes. I mean, don’t get me wrong, they’re lovely people… most of them, but seriously, a little respect for your other friends may be nice, Holly?

So, anyway, woke up, got annoyed at my skin for being all hormonal, as ever – despite my best efforts – and noticed the sun. See, if it was cloudy and cold, my plans would’ve remained, but I was in chapter 8 of ‘The Lovely Bones’, and quite fancied lying in the garden sunbathing and reading it. So thats what I did.

”Oh, sorry Hol, I have to cover someone’s shift at work, last minute thing, hope you’re not already ready or anything.”

”Oh, actually, I’m already in town – ” (Score! Taste the pain, bitch). ” - But it’s ok, I’m meeting other people, too, and quite a few are here already, so don’t worry.”

Ah, yipee, so happy for you.

So, lay in the garden, before I was dragged to the beach. I love the beach.. on my own. It’s awkward with family. Dad, little sister who was visiting for Summer. But, lay on my board in the sea catching weird wetsuit tanlines, and that was pretty nice, catching the waves, not seeing anyone I knew. I don’t like people I know seeing me minus my makeup. I might be mistaken for a zombie. But, with my luck, I ran into a group of rather popular people from my year at school. Mind you, I just fiished school, so more accurately; people who were in my year at achool until recently. And, ahyes, theres the guy I’ve had a crush on since, like, forever. Oh, and the guy that fingered me at a party last month. Brilliant.

Yeah, I got very drunk, he was vey drunk, he was the one who got teased for fingering me. I mean, c’mon. I was the girl with the glasses. Screw that I actually looked nice for once that night, contacts in and all, I was, as people knew – the girl with glasses. And bad skin. It was good that night, but whatever, this was how they knew me. He was popular, I was liked by most, but lookwise – not considered very attractive at all. Average at best, maybe. My face is too big, fat and round, nose all wrong, the uhh… the skin, the glasses.. yeah. He had the rip taken out of him so much for that incident. And now he was in the sea a few metres away, and a few of the guys with him were making jokes. Gentle, lightheatred, aimed to annoy and piss off gently, but not hugely – I’m known for being pretty laid back when it comes to taking a joke. I was not too pleased with my currently very unattractive appearance – I could stand to loose a stone or two… was in a wetsuit and my skin was pretty euw. Plus no makeup. So I wasn’too pleased and used my sister’s coldness as an excuse to dissapear.

After the encounter, and a half hour taken locating dad (”We definately passed this tent.. no wait, maybe we were back there..? No… hang on..”), we bought some chips and lay in the sun for abit. After this, not much really happened, went back in the water, packed up, gruelling walk up the cliff carrying boards and things.. and returned home.

And so now, I lie here in my bed, looking over today’s latest headlines; ”Cross-dresser has sex with dog at British castle” ..Yeah, turns out ‘A transvestite was caught having sex with a dog in the dry moat of a 13th century castle in Britain.’ Persoally, my favorite bit of the article was when ”A spokesman for English Heritage said: “This was a very rare incident”.”

Welp, S’later dudes.

Blogs are boring and I can never keep one going.

Probably because they’re never even read. :L

Well, just to let whoever stubles upon this know, Connor.. or Derek. I like them both. And Tom really really likes me, but he lives a 6 hour journey away by train. So I doubt it’s gonna work. Hahah.

Well, that was just a quick update on the male species, another thing.. birds. I almost trod on a bird the other day. No joke, they have stopped moving out of my way.

Eh, anyway, probably won’t be posting for ages, S’later.

Death to UKIP and BNP.

Day of the moon, and day of the… tumour? Seriously, what is Tuesday?

Well, I should probably say that I am a communist. And yes, ”adults” seem to think I do not know what this mean.. I do know what it means, I probably know better than you do. I have looked into it, I KNOW IT DOESN’T WORK IN PRACTICE, but it is what I believe in. I don’t care how it seems to YOU, to me it seems good. You go, ‘Foolish young child, no idea what shes talking about.’ ..I probably have a better idea than you do. I’m probably more intelligent than quite a few adults.

You know what else? I want to know why it is that every time I try and eat this fish, someone insists on disturbing me.

Moving on from all this ranting before I get carried away.. Monday was good. Bank holiday, went to town and sat in the park with everyone. I’m starting to get on quite well with Carl, and I really quite like Connor. God dammit, hes going out with Emily, though. (These are all random mates of mine, hah).

Success! Fish consumed.

Anyway, yeah.. I like Connor, and my friendy-type relationship with him seems to be improving – I never used to know him that well at all. Haha.. I really do like him, though.

Ah, I’m not that bothered, on the other hand. Love doesn’t exist at my age, in my opinion.

Anyway, s’laters.

”You think you’re too cool for school, well I’ve got a newsflash for you. You AREN’T.”

May the tooth.

Gosh, I love Zoolander.

Anyway, my cat was doing that thing where they stick up their tail, put their head near the floor and have their ass in the air. And then it wiggled around a bit. I was told by a mate that this either means its horny, or it has worms or something.

After I replied with ‘Great, so either my cat wants me to shag it, or I have to buy more worming stuff.’ I learned that it meant it was hunting me. My hand may never recover.

Otherwise, feeling a lot better now, just have to get on with everything, I guess. >.<

Hm.. thats it, really.

Night then.

Twisted Paths

Contentment, pride and glory seek.
Jealousy, unrest and misery wreak.
Love, honor and charity gain
an end to hunger, strife and pain.
Abominations, horror and grief
all will strike without relief.
To all who wallow with their greed,
hate and anger deaf to plead.
Fix the heart and light the torch
use it to see and not to scorch.
As you tread life’s twisted path.
Careful not to bring God’s wrath.

-Anonymous

Paradise Lost.

”I am the shadow on the wall,

I’ll be the one to save us all.

After the fall, we’ll shake it off;

Show me the way.

Fire your guns,

It’s time to run,

Blow me away..

I’m sure that there is no such thing as paradise.”

-Anonymous.

 

Dunno why, but that poem just hits me. When you think about it, it really does mean a lot.

1st May, 2010-

Wow, not posted in ages. Just haven’t gotten around to it. But not much has happened, mostly just been at school and in town. We had a controlled assesment the other day. (Coursework in exam conditions).

The subject was Citizenship, the teacher was terrible, I’ll be suprised if more than 11 people get a ‘C’ or more. Personally, I’m expecting a ‘U’… yeah, ‘U’ for ‘Ungraded’. I was reduced to writing about how humans are racist against animals, and that if animals were people of another colour we’d be shocked at how some are treated. I also wrote that we ‘mercilessly murder trees’, and then I commented on the fact that we are not killing the panda, their endangered status is purely due to their lack of sex drive. They need to get it on more.

I also decided it’d be a great idea to go into detail about cake selling, and how wearing natural makeup and flowery dresses makes people more likely to but things off of you.. if you’re a girl, that is. Might work for men too, you never know.

As for the diet, I’m a pescatarian, now. (That is not how you spell it, but I can’t be bothered to look it up – yeah, I’m that lazy at the minute. Anyway, what I mean is a veggie who eats fish, too). On the other hand, I am only doing it to eat less meat, and annoy my dad, who calls me a ‘Peskytarian’. Otherwise, I have failed to lose weight. On the bright side, I didn’t go all bullimic on myself, in fact, didn’t do that at all, which is good, but it actually makes me feel guilty.

In other news, I have been paranoid to the world’s end lately, no idea why..

Also, the house I live in… an isolated farmhouse out on the cliffs. It’s breathtaking, and though I haven’t mentioned it before, I’d like to point out that this house, and living here means the world to me. I practically grew up in this one, and emotionally have actually become extremely attached to this house. We might be being kicked out in October. If not then, then we’ll be forced to move out within 3 years. Now, no one who might read this blog knows me, so you may not understand.. but the thought of leaving this house, and watching it being turned into a HOLIDAY house… the thought of mindless tourists disrespecting it’s history, doing god knows what in my old bedroom… I can’t bear it. I actually have never felt worse, sure, I’ll get over it, but my way of dealing with this one – I know it will be to forget this place ever existed, remove it completely. I hate the way I deal with things, and this is one of those things thats just gonna cause depression. I just feel like, after this, I’m never going to be able to look at the area ever again. In fact, this has been a complete eye opener.

I always knew I had some degree of mental illness, I mean – who doesn’t? But I think I’m probably depressed. And god almighty, I know people might read this, and they’re going to think ‘Shes doing that stupid tennager thing of competing for the worst life.’ And thats prejudiced. Just because I am young, does not mean I am emotionally and mentally immature, I detest people who compete for the worst life, and who beg for attention. I understand that my life is bloody brilliant next to many, many people’s lives. I have had it so much better off than most, but I have my downs, and I’m going to say it straight – I DO bottle it, and I’m not just doing that thing – *puts on whingey voice* ’I bottle it all, then it builds up and I get angry and I break peoples arms and they go in hospital, my life is shit etc etc fucking etc.’ I bottle, as in people expect me to smile. I don’t want to show me being upset, it’s A- Weak. and B- Brings down the mood of everyone else around you. So when I’m upset, I’ll hold back until I’m alone, at the very least.

In any case, I really don’t mind that no one looks at this blog, because it is a place for me to express everything. Point being, if a lot of people saw how I feel all the time, it’d be odd, on the other hand, I wouldn’t mind that either. I guess I was just saying ~I don’t mind either way.

I should go have a long, hot bath now, I feel I need one.

I could go on and on about this, but I feel that most people just wouldn’t understand, and all I really want is someone to talk to, that knows exactly where I’m coming from on this one.

I felt like this place was my complete home, the closest thing to paradise that existed – no joke,  really did. Now it feels that it’s been ripped away from me – or is about to be. Hence the post’s name and opening poem – Paradise Lost.

Anway… s’later.

POA

LOSE 20lbs

Increase body tone

Sort out ANY health issues (mental / physical)

Increase fitness level

Get out more

Sort out college stuff

Vague method that reflects my organisation skills;

No junk food, eat less, MASSIVELY DECREASE CARB INTAKE, exercise more, harder and for longer, ..you get out enough anyway but go out more with friends. Talk to a doctor about the rest – talk to a doctor anyway. Sleep more, less coffee more water, less chocolate more salad, etc. Talk to connections dudette.